Well the truckie’d been driving since Sydney
On a 12-hour overnight stump
Pinged the gills on five kinds of pills
Cos the boss’s got him under the pump
And he’s rounded the bend at Denira Point
On a crash course for the Tweed
Whether he’s had a nod or a micro-sleep
He’s hit the bridge at speed
And he’s taken out the guardrail
Ripped right through the gears
And he’s hit the drink at 80 clicks
400 hundred crates of beers (flying)
Beer beer glorious beer
Nothing quite like it for drowning the fear
Beer beer glorious beer
Glass after glass after year after year
And he’s hit the Tweed with a frightful splash
But his rig lands straight upright
And he’s scrambled out without a scratch
He’s out of there, he’s out of sight
Well the joint just went bananas
You should seen the place
The ord went out like wildfire
Everyone hunting a case
Blokes dug up old scuba gear
Filled an old tinnie to the brim
One chappy found an old diving bell
And promptly dived right in
Beer beer glorious beer
Nothing quite like it for drowning the fear
Beer beer glorious beer
Glass after glass after year after year
Yeah news crews flew above it
The cops came out in force
They tried to cordon the whole river off
There was stuff-all chance of course
And when darkness fell the pub was pumping
Everyone making a plan
There was shouts and general mayhem
Two bob’s worth to a man
There’s 400 crates of beer in there
It’s dead-set open slather
At the crack of dawn they’re set to pounce
On Australia’s holy water (yeah)
Beer beer glorious beer
Nothing quite like it for drowning the fear
Beer beer glorious beer
Glass after glass after year after year
And when Kevin spied this blonde dude
In the front bar having his say
Well he knew he’d seen Scotty’s photo before
He knew him straight away
You don’t need to be old Alfred Einstein
To put two and three together
That prick has finally tracked the girls
And it’s not for a chat, you’d gather
He’s chasing the pair who locked him up
They knew he’d one day come
But Kev’s not having a bar of that
Comeuppance soon will come
Beer beer glorious beer
Nothing quite like it for drowning the fear
Beer beer glorious beer
Glass after glass after year after year
Oh you must love your beer mate
Whereabouts are you from?
WA? That’s a bloody long way
But we’ve got a plan if you wanna get on
Of course Scotty was right up for it
And Kev gets him in a shout
They sink 10 rounds of Fourex Gold
And Kev susses him right out
“We’ll use the ute and a great long chain
To fish some palettes of beer out
We’ll get a relay system on the go
And we’ll sort the whole thing out
Ok, you keen to get onboard?
You keen?”
Beer beer glorious beer
Nothing quite like it for drowning the fear
Beer beer glorious beer
Glass after glass after year after year
“But here’s the thing, someone’s gotta dive down
With the chain around them tight
Then find the beer and hook a palette
Then swim the chain up right?”
“And when they swim back up the top
We’ll unhitch them from the chain
And attach that to the towbar
And if all’s sweet, we’ll do it again
Ah they’ll be sweet, don’t worry
We’ll pull ’em out, there’ no drama
Just need someone with a bit of ticker
Yeah, just a bit of ticker
You keen?”
Beer beer glorious beer
Nothing quite like it for drowning the fear
Beer beer glorious beer
Glass after glass after year after year
Well this Scotty prick’s a real big head
He thinks he’s real king shit
So he falls hook line and sinker
And Kev smiles just a bit
At 5am they rendezvous
Down there by the slipway
The ute and the chain are sweet as a nut
So Scotty is away
Just lock the chain on the weightbelt
And swim the whole chain down
Then lock it onto a palette
And bring the chain up ’round
And we’ll grab a hold of the end of the thing
And hook it on the towbar
Then pull both you and the slabs out
It shouldn’t be a drama
So the boys all get him trussed up
Like a great big fucken hero
And in he goes with a smile on his dial
But he’s gonna come up with zero
Cos Kevin’s got a decent plan
He’s a bloke who knows the river
When this fool he brings the chain back up
The tide will drag him hither
And the dopey goose he follows the script
For the great god love of beer
And when his head pops up he waves the chain
He suddenly sees it clear
Brianne and Kevin and Kristy
Up there on the slipway
Oh the look on his face is priceless
As the chain drags him awayyyyyyyyy
Beer beer glorious beer
Glass after glass after year after year
Well the sun rises on the sea
You can see it clear from here
As Scotty disappears beneath the waves
Chained to his holy beer
Chained to his holy beer
Australia’s holy water
It’s beer and it’s here
And it’s glorious
And it’s glorious
beeeeeer